hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
