I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
