So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
