I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
