There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
