my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
