I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
