i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
