You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You took a bar mat shot.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
