Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
