I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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