You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
