woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
