What a fucking waste of an outfit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
