I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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