its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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