She's JV to your varsity
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
