she was so not down for the gang bang
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
