my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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