You're my little dorito
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
