mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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