Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
