This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
