it was like his penis was on wheels.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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