They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
