Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
