Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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