Do vagina's smell?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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