i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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