I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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