I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize