i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
