i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize