someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
