The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
