Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
