I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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