We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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