I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
is it fun? or sober?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
