I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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