Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
