Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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