How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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