Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize