ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
