I bet he comes in French.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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