I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize