So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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