McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
