No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
