Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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