11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
