Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
