sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
