I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
