I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
