I just saw a hot homeless man
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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