I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
