What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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