there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
