Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
