I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
