I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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