ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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