Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
