My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
