after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
