The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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