I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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