dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had sex on a roof
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
