trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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