Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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