Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You can't special order awesome
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
