yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Randomize
