Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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