I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
