Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
