you turned your livingroom into a bong?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize