she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize