It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We need to get me chipped asap
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize