in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
