You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
