I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
